Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
