Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
