help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
