Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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