Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
