Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
