I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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