Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
