defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
