Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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