Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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