never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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