dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
