Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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