I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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