She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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