There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
