is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
