How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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