so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
