I accidentally burped into my bong.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
