i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is Oprah even human
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
