Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
