apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
