absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
