you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
