I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
