there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize