Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
