Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
