If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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