1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
