Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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