just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
