So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
