bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
