she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
