I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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