if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
