i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
