Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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