i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
