Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
