There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
