Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
