at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
