My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize