i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
