the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
