My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
