Hey man sorry I got all grabby
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
