you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
