I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
