Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize