my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
