just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize