Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
