i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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