toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
