its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
