You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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