Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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