I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
