There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
