Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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