i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
