This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
