Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
