i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
