Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
