The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
