I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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